The Right Or Wrong Choices
by WinterWhirls
Summary: Olivia's voice is shaky. "I'm so, so selfish, El. I wanted that baby because I was desperate. Desperate for someone to love…and so desperate for someone to love me back." Elliot caresses her hair and tries in vain to calm her. Post Savior. Elliot/Olivia


CHOICE

Summary: Post-Savior

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Dick Wolfe and NBC. Anything you recognize isn't mine.

A/N: Because the ending for Savior was just bull. I know everyone has his or her own ideas of what happened next and how it affected E/O, and this is my version…hope you enjoy. Please R&R, I appreciate comments so much!

He's been asleep all of thirty-seven minutes, according to the red numbers on the clock beside his bed. After the case they'd worked, after it had all gone to shit, he figures he deserves more than forty minutes. But the insistent trill of his cell phone is unyielding. He grudgingly sits up and reaches for his phone, planning to tell Cragen in so many words that Munch has no life and should be willing to work tonight. Beside Elliot, Kathy gives him her "sympathetic face" and rolls over, escaping back into unconsciousness.

Sighing deeply, Elliot answers his phone. "Stabler."

The line is quiet, but past the static that is the norm for cells these days, he can definitely hear someone breathing.

"Hello?" He tries again. He's sleepy and if this is one of Dickie's friends playing a damned prank he swears to God-

"El?"

Liv. Shit. Her voice is tiny, almost inaudible past the crushing silence that surrounds his sleeping family.

"Liv? What's wrong?" Because she's just as tires as he is, and no way in _hell _is she just calling him to "chat." The way their partnership is right now, he's lucky she's still in the country.

"Can you…can you come over?" Her words are punctuated by a sniffle. He can count on one hand the number of times he's seen her cry, and knows for sure that tough-as-shit Olivia Benson does _not _cry for nothing.

He shakes his head, tries to clear the sleep away. "Uh…yeah, are you home?" She doesn't answer his question. She doesn't say anything. "Liv? Are you hurt?" His voice takes on a tone of urgency, louder, and he's already stripping out of his t-shirt and into a sweater. "Olivia," he presses, when she's still not speaking, "say something."

"Sorry."

He pauses. "For what?"

"I'm selfish. I'm so, so selfish."

"Liv, hold on, okay? We'll talk when I get there." He's got his shoes on and grabs his coat, brushing past his wife's questioning stare. He tries to ignore the fact that Liv will always come first. He pretends he doesn't know, pretends he doesn't realize that he cares for his partner a little more than is normal…

Twenty minutes and a lot of speeding later, he's pulled up in front of her apartment. He doesn't know if where he jammed his car is even a legal parking space but just _screw _parking tickets, all of Liv's lights are off and there's no sign that she's responisve.

As Elliot starts the climb to the fourth floor, he finds himself hating elevators. This one in particular. You'd think that after taking two minutes to arrive, it could ascend at a decent pace, but it rambles on at it's creaky pace. He should have taken the stairs.

As soon as the doors in front of him open, Elliot is briskly walking to her door. In his pocket, his fist is clenched around the emergency key she'd given him eleven years back. Emergencies only. He'll knock before using it.

His fist meets the steel of her door, apartment 4D, and thumps one, twice, three times. "Olivia?"

There is no noise coming from inside her place. Suddenly, he realizes that she never answered his question regarding her whereabouts. She may not be even home. Fatigue is really unhealthy for him. He's about to turn back when her door opens.

He doesn't speak. He cannot speak. He is stunned into silence by Olivia's face. Her eyes are puffy and red rimmed, her mascara twined with the tears, streaming torrents of black down her cheeks. Her hair is a mess, like she's been fisting it, and hasn't brushed it in a while.

"Liv…"his voice is raspy "What the hell happened?"

Trying to catch her breath, she leans against the doorframe for support. Elliot knows the feeling. If you talk, if you allow your throat to relax enough to make a sound, you're sure to explode into sobs, something that really isn't pretty. He reaches out, and palms her shoulders.

"Olivia." He moves so that her face is in his line of vision, making sure their eyes connect. "Breathe. Relax. You're okay now."

"But I'm not," Olivia breathes, closing her eyes. Elliot takes this chance to scan her body for any injuries. When he finds none, he is oddly not relieved…an injury would have been a lot easier than an Olivia suffering an emotional meltdown.

"Why, Liv, what's wrong?"

She sighs and steps backward, taking them both into her apartment. "Am I a bad person?"

He is baffled by her question. He is desperate to calm her. "No, Liv. Never. You help so many people every day of your life…you could never be" –

"I didn't help Gladys."

And now he understands. She's suffering an inner turmoil because Gladys is gone and the baby is sick and she can't drive this train anymore. He should have known that, after years of living through hell that others can only imagine, something would finally bring Olivia down.

"Liv, there was nothing you could have done" –

"El, please, don't give me that crap. All Gladys wanted was a life with her baby…I took that away."

"How, Liv? What did you do except help this woman?"

"I…I forced her to testify, I…" Her breathing speeds up, tears mar her eyes again.

He walks to her, and slips his hands soothingly up and down her arms. "Sshhh, Liv, listen." She looks away, and tries to step out of his grasp. "No, listen."

She turns to face him again, in the sanctuary of her small kitchen. "Can we sit?" Her voice is barley a whisper. He nods, and leads them both to her sofa.

"You made the right choice, Liv. No matter what your decision was, I trust you, I know you did what was right."

"I let her baby go. I let her die, Elliot! Gladys…" Her voice breaks, and she carries on in a whisper. "Gladys wouldn't have wanted – She would have wanted her baby to grow up…"

"But your reasons were more than valid, Olivia." Elliot puts an arm around her, keeping his gaze focused on her face. "You thought about the baby, the _baby_, not about yourself, not about her mother. Your decision was based on what was best for Gladys's _child._"

"Yeah…" Olivia hiccups, and takes a shaky breath. "She would have been blind, and deaf… mentally and physically incapable…El, what kind of life would she have lead? I…I know I wouldn't have wanted to live like that…I know I wouldn't have wanted my baby to be hurting."

"She was _your_ baby, Liv." Elliot takes in her wide eyes as she remembers this particular part of the deal. "Gladys left her to you. It was your choice and no one else matters."

The reminder that it lay in her hands is apparently not what Olivia wants to hear. Her tears renew, and Elliot pulls her to him. His arms encircle her in a comforting embrace.

"Elliot, I almost…I almost let her live. I…I'm so selfish. So, so selfish." She speaks against his chest.

"What do you mean, Liv?" He murmurs against her hairline.

"I almost saved the baby…I wanted a child…I only wanted her because I was desperate. Desperate to have someone to love, desperate to have someone love _me_…what kind of horrible person am I?"

"Your not horrible, Liv. It's only natural. It's human nature to want someone to love you, to want to love someone, you have every right."

She collapses for real now, crying openly into his sweater, her tremors shaking them both.

"Besides, look around you, Liv. People who love you, who are thankful every single day that you are out there doing your job, protecting them, surround you. They're thankful that you are constantly putting your life on the line for them."

He holds her tighter, rocking her slowly as she fights for control. "Thank you, El. For coming over."

"Any time, Liv. All you have to do is call."

"Elliot, do you really think I chose…correctly?"

"There is no correct or incorrect choice, Olivia. There is only what you believe. As long as you can justify to yourself that you are indeed right…well then you made the right decision."

"Gladys trusted me…"

"She trusted you to make the best decision for her daughter. She trusted you because she knew you'd pick in her baby's best interest. Not in yours, not in hers. In her baby's. Remember that." Her gently kisses her forehead, whispers her words of comfort and affection.

Olivia sniffs, and her eyes are watery, but she nods her agreement, her acceptance. She's realized that sometimes, the right choice isn't always the easy one, or the one you want for yourself.

She knows now that Gladys's baby is happier now, wherever she is, happier than if she were captured in the confines of the life she would have otherwise lead….

A/N: Thanks for reading…. review? Please? Lol. I'll get back to your reviews ASAP.


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